December 25, 2014:Dr. Who Marathon

We like Dr. Who around here.  Yesterday was a marathon leading up to the new Christmas special.  We were watching the episode "Flatline"

Clara (on the show): Rule number one of The Doctor, use your enemy's power against them.
Me (on the couch): Actually rule one is "the Doctor lies."
E: Actually, rule one is "don't wander off."

December 7. 2014: Why WMD?

We're hanging out on a Sunday, and the Husband is playing World Of Warcraft.  He has a shaman named WMD.
E: Why do you call your character "WMD"?
Me: Because it stands for "weapon of mass destruction."
Husband: It's an ambitious name.
E: heheheh.

November 15, 2014: photo post

So, let me give you some background:

First, we're going to Disney World in a little while. We've been planning for over a year, and saving for it, so it's kind of far off in the kid's brain.  But we are going and it's not going to be cheap, obviously.  So we have a jar for money that's been filling up over time in order to buy cool things when we're there.

Second, we've been getting the Christmas wish list catalogs from Target for the last week or so.  The Girl has already circled all of the things she wants and made a 5 page list of things for both birthday (mid-December) and Christmas.

Third, about 4 days ago, The Girl decided she was going to "save money" for a Zuppy.  Or something like that.  It's a robotic puppy, I think.  I don't know, I can't keep up.  The way she's saving said money is that she took the money out of one piggy bank and put it into another one marked specifically for this $30 toy.  Then she finds change around the house (often in my purse or on my night stand) and puts in there like it's hers.
     Last night, while we were moving piles of clean laundry, she spied a $5 bill that was in the laundry.  She squealed with delight and went to put it in her bank.  At that point, her dad told her to give it back, it wasn't hers.  Then the fireworks began: yelling, crying, imploring.  "But why can't I have it, I just found it?"  "It's not fair, you didn't find it!"  "I earned it!" (that last one is my favorite, she earned it by watching it fall out of the laundry that she refused to help fold or put away.)
   One more bit of background: about a week ago, when we all went to see Big Hero 6, as we were getting in the car, I found a small piece of candy on the floor of the car that had obviously fallen out of a Halloween bag.  I laughed and said "finders, keepers!" and offered to share it with her dad, who didn't realize I was sharing it with him and who ate the whole thing.  (It was funnier than it sounds, since it was literally one of those mini- mini tiny bite sized ones, not even a "fun sized" one.  Also, what the actual hell, who gives those tiny things out for Halloween?  Buy the fun sized ones at least, you big meanies.)
   
Anyway, today I was instant message/text chatting with the BFF about our upcoming Disney trip and the whole dynamic of a kid begging for Christmas and birthday money well before a very expensive Disney trip is coming:

Seriously, she had "Vote" signs all over the house.  Barbies were sitting out couches on the counter with "Vote for E, she's Awesome" signs in their wee Barbie hands.

She was ready for a debate, with a written argument and everything.
I guess she really is her mother's daughter.
She still didn't get to keep the $5.

November 8, 2014: this commercial is false

Of course the Christmas commercials are on now. There's a Home Depot one showing Santa "saving cash" on Christmas presents while shopping there.

The Girl is watching this commercial and says, pretty angrily: This commercial is false.  I mean, Santa doesn't need to save cash.  He doesn't buy us presents.  He makes them. 

The best part was the way she was ruefully shaking her head at the TV, as if all of the previous commercials she had ever seen were patently speaking the truth.  

October 27, 2014: revisiting Papa's age

During the work day, the way that my beloved and I tend to communicate is via instant message.  Google's Hangouts, which are integrated with their Voice service (so you can get IMs or texts on your computer, tablet or phone) makes this a lot easier when we're out and about and not at our computers.  I married a funny guy, which may be why we have such an amusing kid.

At the 4th of July, The Girl asked how old my dad is (he's about to turn 80 in January of 2015) and if he had been around to sign the Constitution. We'll see them in a few weeks at Disney World and we're going to spend at least one dinner celebrating his impending 80th birthday, since both of his kids and all his grand kids will be around (okay he's got 2 kids and we each have a kid, so it's a relatively small gathering).

N is my beloved, who likes to pass along The Girl's commentary on life when they're hanging out together.  Here's today's lunchtime IM (The Girl is with her dad at his shop today, as it's a teacher work day and there's no school).

October 13: The Browns

We were at the beach for a while, it was awesome.  One of the best things about the beach is seeing the people who come from all over the country to hang out with us there.  It's an annual thing, and this is the 12th year we've done it.  One of my favorite things is that several of the peeps who come with us love football as much as I do, so they don't mind when the morning TV is set to Mike and Mike on ESPN2.
One morning, The Girl was watching Mike and Mike with my friend, Annie, who is originally from Cleveland.

E(watching Mike & Mike): Oh, Pittsburgh… Yuck. Cleveland better win!
Annie: They did win!
E: Wait, Cleveland is the Bears?
Annie: Nope, the Browns.
E: The Browns.
E: Are they named that because all the players are brown-skinned?


--As an aside, The Girl watches a lot of football (not by choice).  She often comments on the colors of the uniforms, the players with long hair, the players' celebration dances, the cheerleaders' outfits.  She pointed out to me, fairly observantly, that many of the players are brown skinned.  She goes to a school with a very diverse student population.  Contrast her class which is divided fairly evenly among white, black and Latino kids with my school experience of pretty much all white kids and an occasional Native American.  Granted, she goes to school in Hillsborough, NC, and I grew up in Billings, MT.  The base population was much different.  
Around about the time she was in 1st grade, The Girl started describing her friends as brown skinned or cinnamon skinned or white skinned, just as one might describe a friend with brunette hair and brown eyes.

September 14, 2014: Green Bay Crackers

Today, we were flipping through channels, surveying the various football games, like we do on a Sunday.  E briefly saw some Green Bay fans with their Cheesehead hats on.

E: Do those people have cheese on their heads?
Me: Yes, they're at the Packers game.
E: There's a football team called the Crackers?
Me: No.  They're the Green Bay Packers.
E: Then why do they have cheese on their heads?  If it was crackers, it would make more sense, but Packers and cheese makes no sense at all.  This is why I don't like football.

August 25th, 2014: First Day of School

So here it is.  Third grade.  How did this come so quick?  What happened to our summer?
How do I have an 8 year old?  I mean, I know how time works, in that it keeps going, like it or not. And I'm definitely the in the camp of not liking it.
We move into a different group now at school.  She's no longer with the K-2 activity group.  She's entered into the realm of the big kids at school.
We've had our clothes picked out, our school supplies ready, and today we spent the morning reviewing the check list, packing the backpack (or as E called it, the winner of the heaviest backpack competition).  We signed all of the consents and rule contracts and paperwork.
And then, like they've done for so many days, over the last 3 years, she and her daddy and the dog gleefully hopped in the car and took off.
To third grade.
Come on, time.  Give me a break.

August 20, 2014: Getting Ready For Back to School

So, today, we were talking about how we're going back to school.  And we remembered that we used to do the annual "back to school list" of cool stuff about this kid.  Of course, I have all of those previous ones saved. . .  somewhere.  Did I mention that I am NOT a good Pinterest mom?

Anyway, E wanted to do them today, even though school starts next week.  I'm fine with the questions, the problem is remembering our template.  So, combining the few I could find, here we are.  At 8 and a half and at the onset of third grade (third?!?), here we go!

My favorite song is: How to Be a Heartbreaker by Marina and the Diamonds
My favorite food is: chocolate
My favorite color is: red plaid
Favorite subject at school: writing
Best friend: Serenity R.
When I grow up I want to be: a police officer or an actress
Favorite book: Diary Of A Sixth Grade Ninja (the series, we're up to book 7 now)
Favorite sport: tennis
Favorite game: The Game of Life
Favorite toy: giant stuffed bear
Favorite TV show: Gravity Falls (she claims it's the best tv show ever)
I love to: go to the movies
I learned to: bowl and do a cartwheel.  Not at the same time.

Pictures up on the actual 1st day of school.

July 23, 2014: Keep your arms up and your breakfast down

So, I don't work at the office on Wednesdays.  And since the kid is not in camp anymore and we have another few weeks before school starts again in August, Wednesdays have become our bowling days.
The local AMF lanes has a program where, from Memorial Day to Labor Day, for one small price, we get 3 free games and shoe rental any weekday before 6pm.  Basically, it's a steal even if you only go once a week.  Which we do.
Anyway, we usually eat crap at the bowling alley, but today, I suggested we eat at one of our favorite local diners, Elmo's.  E was down with that, since they serve her favorite pancakes in the world with a side of applesauce.

So, I made a post about it on the Book of Faces, like you do when you're a narcissistic attention seeker:

As she read my post, she immediately came up with a better day:

"What about being at Disney world, on a roller coaster, and THEN we can go get Elmo's?  Because you know how it feels being on a roller coaster with a bunch of food belly, you want to keep your arms up and your breakfast down."

I love this kid.

July 20, 2014: daddy's always been around

So, we're watching cheesy Disney movies, like you do, on a Sunday night.
In this movie, there's a line: Boys may be a pain, but they usually come around.

Me: Boys usually do come around.  Your daddy came around.
E: wasn't daddy always around?
Me: Not always.
E: Before he started walking, he was definitely a round.

(this was followed by "put that on your blog."  She's on to me, guys.)

An Open Letter To Disney

So, this is a cross post from my other, more grown up blog.  But it means enough to me and more people look at this one from time to time, so I decided to post it here, too.  Forgive the double vision if you're one of the 3 people who read both.  This post isn't funny and it's not from my kid.  But it affects my kid in a way that is so profound, I can't help but post it here.

I have an 8 year old daughter.  And that means that she loves Disney.  We're not one of those No Television or Social Media <tm> families.  We watch TV.  We go to movies.  We end up consuming a lot of Disney: the princesses, the movies, the tv channel, the shows, the whole damn thing.
Most of Disney is pretty solid: we like seeing diverse families, we like the family friendly fun, we like that they're okay with LGBT folks.
But lately, watching the Disney channel, I've been increasingly disappointed.

It started with the show "Kicking It" about a guy who runs a karate dojo and the kids he teaches.  That's all well and good, other than the fact that there is a character, I'm not kidding, named Bobby Wasabi.  He's pictured to the right.  If you hadn't noticed or can't see the image or live in the 1950s you might not realize that he's a white guy who is doing what is commonly referred to as 'yellow face.'  Using Asian stereotypes in the form of his makeup, his stick on 'fu man chu' beard, his wig and his over the top Asian dress.  I was offended enough by this that I made the kid stop watching the show.  I'm not sure if they're making new episodes, but we still see the occasional ad for episodes, so possibly they are.  But we don't watch it.

Fast forward to this summer and the introduction of their new show, "Girl Meets World."  If you were or had a kid in the 90s, you might have seen this show's predecessor, "Boy Meets World."  I wasn't, so I didn't.  But it was a coming of age show that centered around the main character, Cory and his experience from elementary school through college and marriage.  It explores his relationships with his family, with his friends and his place in the world.  Well, at least that's what I understand of it from the few episodes we watched leading up to the "Girl Meets World" premiere this summer.  Cory dealt with his friends, a relationship with the girl who ultimately becomes his wife, his family, and so on. It focused on Cory but wrestled with a number of heavy issues, if the Wikipedia page is to be believed.

So now, 14 years after the original went off the air, we have Girl Meets World, where Cory and Topanga are now married and they have a pre-teen daughter, Riley.   Now, admittedly, BMW likely had a while to grow and improve, being a sitcom in the 90s during ABC's TGIF heyday.  This was back when shows were often given a few seasons to find their feet and figure out what they were and their message.  Also, in fairness, we're only 3 episodes into the new show.  I'd recap the plots for you for those 3 episodes, but there's Wikipedia, so why not let them do it?

I'll give you the recap from a mom watching this with her 8 year old daughter: Riley meets the new boy in school, he's cute, she's in love, she spends every episode obsessing over him.
It's weak.  It's beyond weak.  It's as offensive as Bobby Wasabi.  It's a parade of bad caricatures and stereotypes.

This show is supposed to be about a girl figuring out who she is in the context of her family, her friends and her new middle school.  It's supposed to be about the challenges of starting to recognize that she's growing up and needs to make the world her own.  Instead, she's a perfectly gorgeous girl who is quirky and adorable in her affects and dress.  She has her entirely too worldly aware friend, Maya (also perfect in appearance). We don't know much about Maya yet other than she's a 'bad influence' in that she doesn't like to do homework and she knows all about boys.   Then there's Farkle.  They had to call him that because "Ducky" and "Geek" were already taken.  You guessed it: he's the nerdy kid in love with the gorgeous girls who don't realize how gorgeous they are (they, of course, tolerate him and use him as a friend but don't love him back).  And of course, there's Lucas.  Lucas has no depth, other than being the new boy from Texas.  He's got an occasional country/southern accent and he serves no purpose other than to be obsessed and fawned over by Riley.

Not even a character who was developed over 7 years on television and widely lauded can survive the sexist stereotypes this show shovels out.  Cory is now reduced to a neurotic dad who doesn't want his kids to grow up and spends all of his time as Riley's teacher trying to keep her and Lucas apart, lest that boy corrupt his sweet, innocent girl.  (By the way, there's no chance of that happening yet, Riley can't get up the courage to speak out loud to him in 90% of the 3 episodes we've seen.)

Unless a meteor hits this school and Riley is suddenly charged with leading her friends to safety from the oncoming zombie hordes, or, I don't know, she takes a class other than history or expresses an interest in something other than Lucas, this show is going nowhere.
More importantly, my daughter won't be allowed to watch it.  Which sucks for me, since she seems to like it, but I can't stand the idea of showing her yet another show that tells her she is only an interesting character in relation to the boys in her life.  Riley could be a strong young character with all of her requisite 7th grade fears and problems, but the only one this show and its writers have chosen is that related to boys: the nerdy one who loves her but whom she doesn't want and the gorgeous one for whom her heart is all a flutter.  They haven't shown her worry about her grades, her classes, family conflicts, or even just fitting in with other kids (well, other than that one episode where she was insanely jealous when another girl in school shows interest in Lucas).

All I can say here is this, shame on you, Disney.  Shame on you for bringing us heroines like Merida whose main conflict and resolution have to do with her family for the right to choose her own husband, should she choose to marry.  Shame on you for showing us that an act of true love doesn't have to be romantic love, like the one Ana showed Elsa*.  And then on the heels of those strong messages, you bring a whole generation of little girls (and boys) this sexist drivel on a weekly basis. I guess you were afraid girls would learn to define themselves outside of their relationship to boys, so you had to shut that self empowerment down.
Unless this show turns around right quick, it's going to find itself in a place of honor at our house: on the "blocked" list.


*FYI, Disney, as an aside, you only get partial points for Frozen, since when Elsa decided to "be herself" she got completely tarted up in her low cut dress with the slit up the side to her hips.  She couldn't be herself in something less completely and obviously meant to be sexy?

July 4, 2014:How Old IS Papa, Anyway.

It's Independence Day.
We celebrate with our family, and this year, we're celebrating tomorrow more than today, but we went outside and lit some sparklers.  We love sparklers.
But that didn't keep us from watching these videos:

Fireworks by Schoolhouse Rocks
The Shot Heard 'Round The World
No More Kings

And we end up with this one:

Now, as you may or may not know, my father served in the U.S. Senate for 18 years.  E knows this, because when we discussed the Congress and such during her social studies section in school this year we talked a little bit about what that means.

While watching the Preamble video, she gets a really pensive look on her face and asks me, "so, did Papa sign the Constitution?"
Me: No, kid, he's not that old.
E: But he is pretty old.  So I figured he was probably there.

June 21, 2014: Guest post from Aunt Piggy

We try to get the kid out of the house on the weekends, so she doesn't just spend the days watching TV.  Summer weekends are included.  Most of the time, those adventures involve Aunt Piggy, who supplies us back with plenty of great stories of E's comments with her.  Today's gem:

On a bathroom break; E, indignant: "They make you pay twenty-five cents for a napkin?! How rude!"
And after my explanation: "Do boys have to pay? Wait, do boys have periods?"

June 7, 2014: sign this contract

Nothing like walking along on your treadmill, being sucked into the internet vortex (see this blog post about the treadmill desks) when suddenly, your child shoves a contract in front of your face to sign.
She's been slightly obsessed with magic lately.

That's right, if you do freak out, she gets ALL your money

We're raising ourselves a little PT Barnum.
And we did freak out.  Well, if by "freak out" you mean "laugh hysterically" then yes.  We did.  And she got all of our bulldog bucks.

May 27, 2014: Me either

I walked in on the girl in the kitchen tonight. She was climbing up on a step stool. 
Me: I don't know what you're doing, why are you up there?
E:  I don't really know either.

I feel like that sums up 90% of our conversations lately. 

May 24, 2014: beer and technology

Overheard at a party tonight:
Parents are weird. All they talk about is beer and technology

May 11, 2014: I Love Being Awesome

So tomorrow (oh, it's late enough now, I guess it's today) is Mother's day.
I love being a mom.  This motherhood thing took me by surprise, but it's the best surprise I've ever had.
Watching my kid grow up has been like holding up a mirror to myself and my husband.  I've learned a lot about myself.  I've learned a lot about me.
I haven't been proud of every moment I've had as a mother.  I can honestly say, though, that I have never not been proud of my daughter and the amazing young woman she is becoming.  I have never appreciated my own  mother more.  And I've also come to appreciate my aunts, my mother's friends, my friends' mothers, my dear friends, all of whom loved me like I was one of their own, and accepted me into the huge family that it takes to raise a child.  I hope that I've lived up to my mother's hopes for me both as a daughter and now as a mother.
Having said all of that, earlier tonight, when E was on her way to bed, I stopped her and said to her, "I love being your mother.
Her response?  "I love being awesome."

And that, my friends, is the best part about being a mom.

(Later on, when she was in her bed, reading on her Kindle, this conversation also happened:

Me: you know what the best part about being a mom is?
E: what?
Me: having you for a daughter.
E: mmmhmm, yeah, sure.


I think our attempts to instill in her a sense of self-esteem have worked.)

April 30, 2014: I'm not a professional

So, E loves the draw.  She announced that she's drawing me with my mascara on.

Me: Oh, okay.
E: Just remember.  I am not a professional artist for face work.  Don't blame me if you wind up looking like a chipmunk.
Me: . . .

not to chipmunk-y at all, I don't think. 

April 9, 2014: if you go to sleep naked. . .

About 10 minutes ago, I told the kid to get her pajamas on.
She came out to the living room only wearing a pair of panties and said the following:

E: Two things, guys.  1) I don't have any clean pajamas in my drawer and 2) Did you know that if you go to sleep naked, you lose weight?
Me: Uh,  your dad did laundry, so look there.  And I don't think you actually lose weight sleeping naked.
E: John Tesh said it, and he NEVER LIES.

(She often listens to the radio station that plays the John Tesh radio show in the evenings when she goes to bed.  It's intelligence for your lives, guys.  For real.)

Photo post: found in the car floorboard

I was cleaning out the car to go see our new cousin this weekend and found this

March 23, 2104: the battle

E has been trying to convince us to have a real life WoW style battle on this rainy day. I'm the rogue, she and Daddy are both hunters.  She only has 2 bows. 

E: Daddy just get somewhere safe in the game and then we can start the battle here.

Me: buuuuuuuuurp  

*I know, I'm classy, you don't have to tell me.

E: That was a battle of your own intestines.

EDIT:
About 20 minutes after that, I hear Daddy in the kitchen fixing sandwiches.  Then I hear the following:

Daddy: Hey, E, come in here
E walks into the kitchen.  Then comes a weird clicking sound.
E: You weren't even in this battle!!!

(turns out that he was standing, waiting for her with the nerf crossbow, and she walked into his cleverly devised trap)

I love this family.

Mar 8, 2014: "what's a gay?"

So, now we're watching Dr. Horrible on Netflix.  E loves Dr. Horrible, both the show and the character.  I explained that the actor is Neil Patrick Harris, and  he's married to a handsome man and they have 2 kids who are adorable.  She asked how that happens, how 2 men have kids.  I said that he's gay and that gay men have to adopt children to have a family generally.
E: what's a gay?
Me: when boys love boys or girls love girls.
E: Well, I'm a gay then.  I love YOU, mama.
Me:  Well, it's not quite the same.
E: I love G.
Me: yes.  That would make you gay if you still loved her forever.  And that would be just fine.
E: Okay.

Why do people thinking explaining what "gay" means to their kids is somehow a challenge?  It's just all about pointing out that love looks different for everyone sometimes.

PS: she now wants to see pics of NPH and his gorgeous family.   Thank you, internet.

March 1, 2014: don't talk teenager

E is watching the Teen Nick Top 10.  It's a video countdown.  Remember when MTV had music videos on?
Anyway, she's completely enamored with Teen Nick.  We've had to occasionally explain that some Teen nick shows are a little grown up for her, but for the most part, she just likes the music.

Anyway, her dad was explaining what a hook is in music.  At one point, I told him he is adorable.

He danced over to where E was sitting on the couch and said, "I'm supes adorbs."
E gave him her most condescending look possible and said, "Don't talk teenager if you aren't one."

Feb 26, 2014: Guest post from Aunt Piggy

Aunt Piggy is my BFF.  She was the one who was 

On Valentine's Day, Ella and I had lunch together, and she asked me if I know who Jackie Robinson is. I said I do, which somehow segued into talk about meeting the president when you do something special, and US presidents past and future, and disrespecting people because of the color of their skin...

Me: "Where did you learn all this, Ella?"
E: "It's Black History Month." [Like, duh, Piggy.]
Me: "That's right... So how do you feel about that? About people being disrespected because of the color of their skin?"
E: "It's garbage."

Ella is eight. And amazing.

Feb 24, 2014: homework

She had to write some thing based on this prompt: "you crawl under your bed and find a first sized nugget of gold..."

February 14, 2014: Valentine's Note

Dear R, a photo by keelamonster on Flickr.

So, obviously we recently had Valentine's Day. And E is at the stage where she likes to write notes at school.
So the other day I found this note in her bag (she hadn't given it to R yet). We hear about R a lot. She told me once that, "I'm sure people wouldn't say that he's the smartest guy in our class, but he's very nice."
Anyway, here's her Valentine note to him.
I feel like it's early for this sort of thing? Isn't it too early for this sort of thing?

Feb 11, 2014: Texting

So, we're watching Veronica Mars on our snow day.  On this particular episode, Veronica asks her dad to help her friend give a urine sample for a drug test.  Her dad asks why she can't "talk on the phone and paint your nails, like normal girls."
E hears this, looks at me knowingly and says, "by talk on the phone, he means text."
Oh the times, how they've changed.

Feb 11, 2014: Love yourself

valentines, a photo by keelamonster on Flickr.

So, it's Valentine's week. E LOVES Valentine's day.
At school the kids could buy candy grams for 50 cents a piece. it's mostly a heart with a wee sucker attached to it.
So E decided to get a few for her Valentines.
She came home today with 3 of them.

E: here's your candygram, mama!
Me: thanks!
E: and one for me!
Me: for you?!
E: Well, you gotta love yourself, you know!

(the third one was for her daddy)

Feb 6, 2014: feed me

Tonight, we had snacks after I got home from work: a grilled cheese sandwich with fried egg bonus.
Now, three hours later, E is complaining about being hungry.  My theory is that she knows bed time is drawing nigh.

E: I'm hungry.  I've been in the bath.  All I've had for supper is moisture!

Oh, the humanity, she'll waste away to practically nothing.

January 18, 2014: weapons

So, E has this set of weapons she got for her birthday a while ago.  It was a birthday where she was given gifts by many friends that fit with her wish list: Barbie, Littlest Pet Shop and dollies galore.  When another kid showed up at her birthday party with a play set that was a sword, shield and axe, she was delighted.  That's my girl.
The sword, unfortunately, did not stand up to the melee battles that ensued.  It broke in half.  So tonight, she went outside, on the advice of her daddy, and filed down the edges of the new tip of the sword on the pavement outside.  It's now a dagger.

Conversation that took place at our house tonight:

Me: please go put on your pajamas.
E: hrm.  (waves dagger at me)
Me: No brandishing daggers at your mom.
Daddy: There's no waving daggers at your parents at our house.


Yes, we have to have rules about weapons up in this piece.  Bring it, non nerd parents.  Bring it.