Chin Butt

Overheard at our house tonight, the night after my beloved shaved his beard into a mustache:

"WHY!?"
"Not to be mean, but your chin looks like it has a butt."
"Why would you shave your beautiful beard?"
"I'm not walking under the mistletoe with you and your weird bare chin."
"Chin butt. 
Chin butt
CHIN BUTT!"

"GET YOUR CHIN BUTT AWAY FROM ME.. AAAAaauuuughh!"

I had no idea The Girl felt so strongly about her dad's facial hair choices.

First Day of Fourth Grade

Once again, we're headed back to school.

My favorite song is: Enemy fire by Bea Miller
My favorite food: Ribs
My favorite color is: Neon blue
Favorite subject at school: Writing
Best friend: Briana
When I grow up, I want to be: I don't know
Favorite book: Insurgent
Favorite sport: Swimming
Favorite game: Minecraft
Favorite Toy: "the computer"
Favorite TV show: Gravity Falls
I love to: play Minecraft
I learned to: play Minecraft

I can't believe we're headed into the last years of elementary school.  I'm not ready. I'm not ready for her to be one of the tallest girls in the school, for her to be the "big buddy" in the buddy program they have. I'm not ready for her to be the one who teaches the other kids the ropes and shows them around.

Books books books

So, I took The Girl with me to the local bookstore so that I could pre-order a few books for upcoming author events (John Scalzi and Christopher Moore, if you care about that).  In the process, The Girl was allowed to browse the books and see if there might be a book or two she'd like.  She found a couple, and wound up coming home with 3 new books, all the start of series (Savvy, Ferals, and Artemis Fowl). I was delighted.

In a matter of a few days, she has devoured Ferals. So, a reasonable person would believe that she'd choose one of the other 2 to read next.  However, last night, she was her usual melodramatic and bored self.
Her: Mama, help me find a good book to read.
Me: Uh, don't you have 2 other new books to read that we got?
Her: they're boring.
Me: What?
Her: I like my books to start out intriguing on the very first page and then go from there. I don't like them to start with "Hi. I'm here. There's a story coming but I have to give you all the boring details first."

I can't say I disagree with her. It took me 3 tries to finally push past the boring part of The Alienist, which I then ultimately enjoyed tremendously. I had to give her the "it's just like a TV show, give it three episodes" talk about books. We'll see if it works.

Dad post

I managed to hit the kid with the garden hose a few times today. The first time she was surprised. The next 4 times, she was just happy. I love summer.

However, after she was pretty much soaked and dripping wet, she tried to hug her dad.
The Girl: Give me a hug.
Her Dad: No.
The Girl: Come on, give me a hug!
Her Dad: I can give you advice, and that's as good as a hug.

May 31, 2015: my feminist firebrand

note: I cross posted this to my own blog at Keelamonster.com with a few more thoughts at the end. I just wanted it here, too.

So, obviously, in raising a daughter, I think constantly about the messages she's getting from us as her parents, from media, from her friends, from society.  I know that at some point I will have to have the "this is how you try not to get raped" conversation with her.  We try to instill in her the confidence that comes with knowing that she has value and a voice and that her gender has nothing to do with the right to be heard.

Anyway, last night, The Girl, her dad and I were sitting outside, eating at a local burger place and I was scrolling through news on my phone.  And the story that I happened upon was one about Mark Ruffalo's Tumblr post regarding the (inconceivable) "I don't need feminism" movement. It's a real thing, y'all. It's not made up.

Anyway, Ruffalo, God bless him, seriously, posted on his Tumblr a quote from Libey Anne regarding the movement: Here's the link

(the tl:dr version)

I'm not sure I could love Ruffalo more.
So, we were discussing this particular internet sensation, and then the story around to talking about how Ruffalo was defending Joss Whedon's treatment of Black Widow in the new Avengers: Age of Ultron. Certainly there were a number of feminist fans that were disappointed to see Black Widow's character seemingly reduced to a romantic interest for Banner.  I understand the frustration. (Though, for what it's worth,  I will say that I never felt like the introduction of a romance for BW reduced her story or her complexity in any way.)

During a Reddit AMA (ask me anything), Ruffalo was asked about this very issue and here was his response:

I think it's sad. Because I know how Joss feels about women, and I know that he's made it a point to create strong female characters. I think part of the problem is that people are frustrated that they want to see more women, doing more things, in superhero movies, and because we don't have as many women as we should yet, they're very, very sensitive to every single storyline that comes up right now. But I think what's beautiful about what Joss did with Black Widow - I don't think he makes her any weaker, he just brings this idea of love to a superhero, and I think that's beautiful.

If anything, Black Widow is much stronger than Banner. She protects him. She does her job, and basically they begin to have a relationship as friends, and I think it's a misplaced anger. I think that what people might really be upset about is the fact that we need more superhuman women. The guys can do anything, they can have love affairs, they can be weak or strong and nobody raises an eyebrow. But when we do that with a woman, because there are so few storylines for women, we become hyper-critical of every single move that we make because there's not much else to compare it to.

(source: Reddit.com)

I read the above quote out loud.
The Girl: Not only are there not enough, they're all named after men.
Me: how do you mean?
The Girl: Supergirl, Batgirl, Wonder Woman.
Me: Wonder Woman's a little different, she's not based on a male character.
The Girl: well, she's the only one.

My thought? I'm raising a firebrand and I couldn't be prouder.

**Now, before you hard core comics folks start listing all of the various other awesome female characters who are not based on men, stop for a second and remember that my kid is 9, she's not really into comic book universes, she's just responding to what she's seen in terms of mainstream movies and TV.  She even watches the Teen Titans Go on CN (which is terrible compared to the original TT).  She loves Black Widow and Gamora and even liked Nebula as a cool villain.  
However, when she sees those women's characters not included in mainstream after-movie marketing on products she uses, her tendency is to believe that they aren't integral or important. Why should she comment about Gamora or Black Widow when she sees ads on TV for Avengers GoGurt that only has Thor, Capt Marvel, Iron man and Hulk on it? Or she sees bedding sets and toy sets at Target that exclude Gamora from the Guardians or that trade Black Widow for Ultron? 

May 24, 2015: The Talk. No, not that one.

So, today, I took The Girl bowling. We like to do that sort of thing. Don't judge.

Yep, we're really pretty when we're bowling

So, anyway, our bowling alley has installed video screens everywhere. Primarily, when I say "everywhere" I mean "at the end of every lane." It's crazy. It's distracting.
However, today we bowled. There was a video on for a song, I don't remember which, where there was dancing. Shocker, I know.
Anyway, somehow the conversation with The Girl and me got around to people liking who they like. We talked about how you might like that boy who no one else likes, and it's kind of weird that no one else likes him. Then we got to the part where I said, "and sometimes boys like other boys."
She made a crinkly face at me.  "That's weird."
Now, let me just point out that we're a pretty gay-friendly home. Not long ago, we voted against NC's Amendment 1, which would have made gay marriage illegal in our state. It passed anyway.
Dammit.
Luckily, it looks like it will be struck down as unconstitutional on a federal level.
On voting day, the very same girl who just said "that's weird" to me had begged me to vote to make it so that "Gaby and I can get married one day." (Gaby being her bff in pre-K and Kindergarten, and the girl for whom our girl had cut her hair short because "if we're going to get married, one of us has to have short hair.")
Anyway, after the "that's weird" comment, I said, "Well, how is it weird? Some boys like boys and some girls like girls."
She responded with another wrinkle of the nose.
"Well, what about John and Wayne? They love each other and they're married. Do you think it's weird?"
"I guess not."
"And Cara and Hannah? They're married, too, and they have a baby. Is that weird?"
"Not really. Wait, who's Cara and Hannah?"
"Piggy's friends. Cara is who we're going to call for your voice lessons."
"Oh. She's married to a girl?"
"Yes."
"Okay."

Obviously, the kid is getting the message from somewhere that love isn't love unless it looks a certain way. I know she "likes" a boy at school, but I think it's because the other girls at school like him. So, for me, it felt like this was kind of a big talk.  Love is what it is. If you feel that flutter of attraction in your heart or your stomach or wherever, it's okay. It doesn't have to be what the other kids at school admire or expect. It doesn't have to look like the movies or TV shows. Sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls, and sometimes girls like boys that not all the other girls say are acceptable and cute, but love is what it is.  I hope that she gets the message and that it sinks in.

For my fellow parents, I know we're all fretting about the day we have The Talk with our kids about sex and responsibility and love and all of the other things that come along with being a physiological adult. However, take the time to talk about this, too.  Regardless of my daughter's feelings about love, whether she's gay or straight, she needs to hear it directly and without question from her parents that we understand that love is what it is, and we're okay with that. She needs to know that we will stand up and defend our LGBT friends, whether or not she's one of them. And she needs to know that there will come a day when she's judged for her choice of partner, be that partner male or female, and that we will always, always love and accept her. Have the talk early, it's an important one.

May 17, 2015: Togethering

Today we resurrected an old hard drive and discovered a number of old pictures and videos from when The Girl was very wee (and even before she was around, if you can believe the world existed all the way back then).
We were discussing how her dad's hair went from very dark to nearly all silver/grey.  He said that he can trace the grey in his hair directly to her.  He then suggested I could be responsible, since we both "showed up" in his time line roughly around the same time.

Me: But for the 12 months we were together before she showed up, you had darker hair.
The Girl:  Wait, I was 3 when you got married, were you pregnant before you were togethering?
Me: Well, we were togethering before we got married.
Him: I'm pretty sure that our togethering is how she got pregnant.
The Girl: huh.

So, do we get credit for giving her "the talk"?
Didn't think so.

April 6, 2015: Chocolate

I get home and The Girl is eating her chocolate bunny from yesterday (she's about half way through it).
As I tell her to hand it to me, so that she and her dad can walk over next door to check out some bamboo growing over there, she sadly turns it over.  Her dad says (jokingly), "Chocolate isn't going to fill that hole, honey."
She says, "Yes it is. Look" And opens up to show him a mouth full of chocolate.

At least she doesn't understand emotional eating the way her parents do yet. 

We're Not There Yet

So a friend of mine posted this video about gender equality to the Book of Faces.  I watched it while The Girl was nearby and listening to it, too.

It's worth a watch, so go ahead and take 2 minutes.  I'll wait.




Pretty good, right?  I mean, the gender equality data stinks, but the video is pretty good.

Anyway, here's The Girl's response:

E:  I think I'd care more if it was a man who said that.
Me (a bit surprised she'd say that): Why would you think that?
E: Because then he'd be confessing it that he makes more than we do. Like when you make me say 'I'm sorry' when I do something mean.

Yeah, I love that girl.

If' you'd like more information about how you can help women and girls, and close the gender gap, visit Not-There.Org

Jan 9/2015, photopost: She texts now

So, generally when I'm at work and the family is out and about or at home, I communicate with my husband via instant message.  Google hangouts has made it so that this is integrated with texting via the cell phone, so it's kind of like texting but from my computer.

Anyway, The Girl has figured out that she can text me via her dad's phone while I'm at work.  Because our car stereos have all been fitted with bluetooth adapters, he usually lets her control the music via his phone on the way home from school.  This is when she takes the opportunity to chat with me.

Today, she got on the chat to let me know that she had been chosen to read the "news" at her school.  They have a daily morning news show that broadcasts into all the classes, and apparently she gets to be one of the anchors on Monday with her friend, H.

I'm delighted for her, obviously.  I hope she does great, but I'm proud that she wanted to do it.
However, the chuckle that I got today is from her overwhelming love of the emojis:

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that once she gets her own device from which she can text/IM/chat, I'm going to hate it all of the time.

January 7, 2015: No

So, dinner is a fight every night.  We made the mistake for a while of letting The Girl eat whatever she wanted at dinner time, even if it deviated from our own meal.  This means, you guessed it, making 2 meals.  We've decided, about a year ago, to stop doing that.
Tonight, dinner was pasta and chicken pesto.  She doesn't like pesto.  I respect that.
So, while boiling the pasta, I asked her if she wanted some.  She responded with her new pre-tween voice, "fine."
When it was done, I asked if her if she wanted butter on it.
The Girl: No
Me: Are you sure?
TG:  No butter
Me: it'll be better with something like butter or some parmesan cheese on it.
TG: No.
Me: Seriously, do you want me to put butter on it?
TG: No.
Me: Nothing at all, then.  Just confirming now, NO butter, right.
TG: No butter.

About 5 minutes later we sat down to eat, and she evaluates her bowl of plain pasta.

TG: Can I have some butter?
Me: /facetable